#Heartblog // If It's Not Like The Movies

I laid awake for hours last night.
I stared at the wall.
I was pretty sure that all my fears were going to eat me alive.
I could not breathe.
By morning I had devised a brilliant plan to run away from everything, go hide in some European country and drink tea all day, live alone, without any knowledge of the entire life and world I left behind.
I would base my success on if I brewed a good cup of tea.
I would base the strength of my heart on my ability to be strong enough say no to each Casanova that came into my sight.
I would do yoga everyday. Eat Vegetables. I would walk everywhere. I would listen to classical music only.
Because right now, I do none of those things. I base my success on everything I have yet to accomplish and instantly erase anything nice about myself. I hate my heart and the way it ticks. I never go to yoga. I eat peanut butter and cokes. I am not sure, on most days, if I even really like myself. I cannot fathom why YOU like me.

But, as promised to me by the universe, each dark night gives way to the sun shining through the window.
...and in the morning I woke up, and was face to face with a million reasons why I just cannot give up. The universe is like that isn't it? Just when you think you cannot go on, it gives you a reason to.