#Heartblog // self hate
Last night I was out for dinner with my Valentine and he thought I was mad. I wasn't mad, and I wasn’t necessarily sad. I just kinda hated myself a little.
I’ve been listening to alot of Oprah radio lately. I know that seems lame, but it’s so awesome! Yesterday she was playing a game called “name three things you really like about yourself.” Swoon and I tried to do this at dinner and he came up with “I have wanderlust” and I came up with “i’m a tidy person.” We couldn’t even name three. It was rather pathetic coming from a couple who has endless lists of why we love eachother.
It got me thinking about how mean I am to myself. I constantly talk down to myself, tell myself I am fat, ugly, mean, untalented, meaningless, and stupid. Everyday. I do it in front of people, I do it around others and I do it inside. It’s really awful. I decided to write myself a letter, and post it on my window and try for a little bit to be nicer to myself.
You have to stop being so unhappy with yourself. You are doing a pretty good job at being a human. You have to learn how to close the door on dancing, but celebrate the fact that you were fucking good at it, and had an awesome career. You have moved on, but you are not dead, give yourself some credit, your life wasn’t the waste you tell yourself it was. Stop trying to get attention from people who have hurt you. It’s always disappointing and honestly, makes you look like an idiot. Also, stop calling yourself an idiot. Smile more. Be Kinder. I can feel you getting short and neurotic around people, stop being that. Be the open, warm, giving person I know you are. You have to find a way to find happiness even if it doesn’t come from outward things, try to find happiness in your dog, family, friends and life. You have so much of that around you. You are not OWED anything, so stop thinking the world owes you things. I can feel you getting lazy, and tired, you have to eat those veggies and get off your ass and keep going. Don’t give up on those big dreams just yet. Learn to love your flaws. Learn to love your imperfections. Learn to love life, again.
What would you guys write in a letter to yourself? xx.